Everyone knows the devastating effects that running an online newspaper can have on the environment. From all of the extra trees cut down to make the newspaper available on computers, to the additional gas used to allow the newspaper to be displayed on tablets, online newspapers kill the environment. It’s evident that schools that run online newspapers are environment haters and only want the world to end in a ball of flames. Therefore, Brainwash is officially moving to become a traditional publication, a printed newspaper.

 

When asked about Brainwash’s switch to a printed newspaper, Opinion Editor Alec Gordon put it nicely. “Oh yeah, it’s just a great decision. I love foxes. And birds and trees and fish. Gonna save them all. We’ll probably stop global warming while we’re at it. Now we just need other schools to follow suit.” Gordon has been on board with the transition since its initial stage, when the Brainwash leadership team stumbled upon a New York Times article entitled, “Save the Trees: Stop Making Online Newspapers.”

 

North Broward has clearly taken the initiative in creating a cleaner and healthier world. Changing to a printable newspaper not only protects the environment and the numerous ecosystems that call Florida home, but the newspaper will now be able to reach more viewers. With Principal Jamie Otis announcing the new rule banning trashcans on campus, students are now unable to throw out the printed version of Brainwash. If they wish to discard their issue, they must place it in the recycling bins around campus. And guess what? Because Brainwash also now controls the recycling bins, we get to keep cycling the current Brainwash issue. Sounds like a fun trap!

 

All in all, Brainwash returning to paper is probably the greatest plan to ever exist in all of history. Rumor has it, Brainwash is also going to only be available in Latin starting in the next school year to “better relate to all of its readers.” Finally, we are doing something right!

 

April Fools!

 

Photo Credit: Davenport Schools
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